It takes me about half hour to take the train to go to school. So it is my newspaper time.
Usually, my newspaper time is very peaceful. I read the news, highlight the interesting part and mark the part I don't understand.
But recent days, it becomes a quite hard time for me.
The Hong Kong Protest.
I have to hold my tears every time when I read the news.
I am touched by their braveness. I feel sorry that the police used tear bass and pepper spray. I feel complicated about the government in China.
1.
I read a quote from Wall Street Journal and highlighted again and again. "It's not a good feeling when you are not proud of your country."
That is my feeling.
Born and grew up in Mainland China, lived in China for 20 years, I am so proud of being a Chinese usually.
It is a big and growing country with so many (too many;() people from different minorities. The people are working hard to live a better life. We are complaining about the government all the time, but still try to believe it will be better. Every time I watched the olympic torch relay back in 2008, when Beijing held the Olympic games, I can not control my tears.
I complain the government all the time and even really hate it sometimes.
We say China is the best and worst country for journalists. There are always unusual things going on. It's like a coal mine for reporters. At the same time, the government puts every effort to hide the truth, which makes the news industry much harder.
I was naive enough to say that I would try my best to change the status quo in China, to fight for the underdog, to dig out the truth.
I am still naive.
2.
Personally, I don't think the protest would lead to any difference. I hope I am wrong.
I don't think the government would be stupid enough to hurt the people anymore. Things have changed since 1989. Technology has changed the world.
Still, the government is out of its mind to shut down Instagram in Mainland China. It is always quite painful for me to explain that Facebook, youtube, twitter, and even google are blocked in Mainland China.
What really surprises me is that I can find nothing about the protest on Weibo, the Chinese version of twitter. Since 2011, Weibo grows to the biggest platform for normal people to express opinions and seek information. You can know everything happening around the world on Weibo. But this time, there is nothing.
Another app, Wechat, which is similar to whatsapp, but allows users to tweet. The newest version of Wechat stopped the users whose IP address from Hongkong to post pictures, according to a friend who studying in Hongkong.
Among my friends, most of them are complaining that they can not follow the celebrities they like on Instagram, which depresses me.
There is nothing I can do but follow the news and pray for people in Hong Kong.
3.
A friend from Taiwan strongly believes that the Chinese communist party is exactly the same as Workers' Party of Korea（KWP） in North Korean.
I was so angry and upset every time he said it this way.
It is hard to separate the party and country, especially we grew up with the idea that the party is almost the country. And the party is actually controlling the country.
I have no clue what I really want to say. I cannot defend the party, neither persuade myself to stop feeling sorry for Hong Kong as a Chinese.
